KINGS OF CALIFORNIA
A BIG hello from California!
And we came here to put it on ya.
From San Francisco down to Downey,
Long Beach to Hidden Valley,
This is how we do it in Cali!
That's what I'm talkin bout...
Where we do the Twist, Roger Rabbit and the Mashed Potato,
smurfin on stage cuz it's all gravy baby,
left coast, let me hear ya say "WESTSIDE!"
You've gotta meet some friends of mine...
A couple kings for killing time, we fight our wars on the front line.
We are the army, we are the kings, we are the ZEN that changes everything.
Forward and Onward..
The Kings of California are taking over the world.
Getting frisky with the mighty Mo Bigsley
Hey.. hey.. BDJ!!
on the run in the van with a Stinky Pinky
got your 3 Minute Fix mixed with wild turkey
add the bass and the treble, a Revolution of Rebels
this is the Foundation, Beware of these devils.
You better got a Dirty Head, shit I'm a Bad Seed undergrad!
So Meet Me at the Pub y'all, the Farmers go on right at ten.
If everything was going wrong, then let's go make it right again.
ya that's what I'm talkin bout!
Forward and Onward...
The Kings of California are taking over,
By Crumb you’ve been forewarned,
The Kings of California are taking over the world
THE DANCE OF THE MATADOR
Just 'round every corner there's a different world order,
time to stand like a man and dance with the bull,
better tie your shoes cuz life ain't gonna wait for you.
What's next? Brother if it's not one thing it's another
go ask your mother that's life.
I say bring it, I dare you. I double dare you
when the chips are low I'll never cut and go
I'll be cutting throats with three kings in my hat
in the haps of a poker match.
That's right life ain't bullshit it's a bull grab the horns
and wrestle that bitch to the floor.
Singin Toro! Toro! and the bull comes a runnin
Say Ole! Ole! and you step out the way
It's the dance of the matador you've gotta hand it to
the man who stands his ground in the face of doom.
You’ve got to see the dance of the matador, hey boy..
With a crimson cape draped over your shoulder, you've got to be bold as love
no time for kicking rocks cuz when the show is over, you want to be showered in roses
hearing all the people cheer you on
for dancin with the devil in babylon
life ain't bullshit it's a bull grab the horns and wrestle that bitch to the floor..
Wise words once whispered to me,
listen don't speak in the ring with your enemies.
Don't even let them fools spit shine your shoes
because a groundling's tongue isn't worth its juice.
Life’s like liars dice in this filthy paradise,
I hear that bell and I’m here to kill, I’ll see your ass in hell.
Singin Toro! Toro! and the bull comes a runnin
Say Ole! Ole! and ya step out the way
It's the dance of the matador you've gotta hand it to
the man who stands his ground in the face of doom.
You gotta see the dance of the matador..
BLACK JACK GURU
You can catch me at the table, hittin on 16
when the dealer shows a queen baby.
Give me 5 down low, yea that's how the story goes
21 is the name of the game.
The cocktail waitress is taking forever,
a double shot of whiskey makes my luck run wetter.
Splitting tens once again, hitting 21 twice,
pulled not one ace but two, and it felt so nice.
I'm a Black Jack Guru baby,
that's how my story goes.
At my table there is no etiquette,
and some would say the way I play is straight irreverent.
I'm a gentleman of adrenaline, I hit 18 for the hell of it.
Smoke another cigarette for the smell of it,
hit me with three and I win again.
The pit boss is talking my ear off,
he says I get a free stay, the next time that I vacation baby.
Oh you know I'm taking you with me,
only cuz I know you would miss me I would miss you too..
I'm a Black Jack Guru baby, that's how my story goes.
May the better man win, yes I'm a betting man,
and I've got the better hand, so I guess that I'm the better man..
Wouldn't you say?
I'm a Black Jack Guru baby..
NOVA SCOTIA
I want too move to Nova Scotia,
I don’t know where it is but I know it’s over
Many mountains, deserts, and oceans,
Far away from here.
I want to be the leader of a marching band,
In command with a stick in my hand.
Look at me everybody, yes I’m the man,
But I’m far away from Uruguay.
There are many kids in southeast Asia,
That watch nickelodeon and imitate them
Little white devils wanna be Jamaican
MTV is not for freedom.
I want to move to Nova Scotia,
I don’t know where it is but I know it’s over
Many mountains, deserts, and oceans,
Far away from here.
No I couldn’t point to Nova Scotia
On a map or a globe or an atlas poster,
But I’m gonna move to Nova Scotia,
Far away from here.
Now there are many monks in ancient China
Who’ve obtained inner peace but have never climbed up
Inside of a woman’s warm wet vagina,
And they don’t know what they’re missing.
But we don’t know what we’re missing.
So I’m gonna go on a mission.
I’m moving to Nova Scotia,
I don’t know where it is but I know it’s over
Many mountains, deserts, and oceans,
Far away from here
I’m gonna move to Nova Scotia
Hope somebody there knows how to make a decaf mocha
Because I’m gonna move to Nova Scotia,
Far away from here.
LIFE IS LIKE LAS VEGAS
Life is like Las Vegas, it’s really hard to leave.
Whether things are going so well, or everything has gone to hell,
Daddy’s dying to bet the bank on red 13.
Life is like Las Vegas, put on your Sunday best.
There’s giddy little girls all over the place,
Your blue zoot suit and your poker face,
Dropping dollars, dressing to impress.
Sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose,
Sometimes they beat the jacket right off your back,
And you barely make it out with your shoes.
Viva Las Vegas, viva life.
Love’s kind of like Las Vegas,
Action, Cameras, Lights.
The root of it is evil, betting on that wheel,
See the dealer smile while he steals.
Sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose
And that is when, you’ve got to choose.
Sometimes they beat the jacket right off your back,
And you barely make it out at all.
Viva Las Vegas, viva life.
THE TRUTH HURTS (I’D RATHER NOT SAY)
I belly up to the bar because I'm thirsty as hell.
Feels like I haven't had a drink in well over a week,
maybe even two; I can't stop thinking bout leaving.
You would not believe the pressure, preceding all the pleasure,
it's more than worth it most of the time,
but if you ask me what's really on my mind..
I'd rather not say. The truth hurts.
I got a letter in the mail just the other day,
an old lover try to rub it in my face,
yea you got a new fool, I like it like that,
he seams like a really cool cat..
You're just a mean old lady, you're just a mean old lady.
When our levee broke it broke for good,
I never thought it would.
The truth hurts.
I woke up on the wrong side of somebody else's bed,
and the dreams I had last night have put me quite outside my head.
So I throw my shit around like a little kid.
Huffin and a puffin ‘til my mama said,
"Hey boy what's wrong with you today?
Why you always in so much pain?"
I'd rather not say, the truth hurts.
JAZZMAN
It’s 2:34 am and I’m feeling anxious.
These hours seam to be, at least for me, the most dangerous.
Wicked thoughts dancing through my head
Of dancing with the wicked woman in my bed,
And this is what I said..
I said, “Baby are you sleeping? Are you dreaming of me?”
She said, “Oh hello, how did you know? You own my fantasy.”
Well I say, “You must be crazy..”
I’m an assman,
I’m a bluesman.
I’m a jazzman,
I’m an assman.
Now it’s 3:45 and it ain’t getting no better.
It must be something in the water or something in this weather.
Whether it’s a full moon tonight or not,
I’m gonna howl soon and bite this hot
Thing in my sight, midnight snacking what a delight.
I said, “Baby you ain’t sleeping that’s me humping you’re leg,
Time to teach you a thing or two fetch a bone roll over and beg!”
Yea I say, "I must be crazy."
I’m an assman,
I’m a bluesman.
I’m a jazzman,
I’m an assman.
FUNKY TRAIN
I was about to fall asleep when I got a call from the man about a show.
It was inked down in my date book as October 24th.
He said I was mistaking, the show was to be taking place on October 18th,
I said no way jose, I’m gonna go to the bay to see the love, height and ashbury.
Do you wanna get down?
We all want to get on the funky train,
So follow me.
We all want to get on the funky train,
With Zen Robbi.
We’re gonna hit that scene, gonna hit it hard,
You’re gonna see us strolling down your boulevard.
Let’s get on it, me and the boys in the motorhome, it’s overloaded.
Honey move on over let me stretch my legs,
Boy you best get your feet off of my things,
There’s a diva in the house, I guess we’ve got to behave,
That’s Mrs. Diva to you baby.
Do you wanna get down?
We all want to get on the funky train,
Just follow me.
We all want to get on the funky train,
With Zen Robbi.
I didn’t see it coming, it caught me by surprise.
When I heard that funky funky funky,
It made me want to take a ride.
POCKET
You offered, so I slip right into your pocket,
In your dirty jeans.
Waiting in anticipation for it to turn up empty,
Just like the ones before it.
Not a cent, a whole lot of lent.
I’ve got to go on down the road,
And I’m spent.
I slip right into your pocket.
Now that’s what I call living,
Living in a wonderland.
No sinning. It was nothing more than holding hands.
And everyone’s forgiven.
Now reach inside your pockets, and turn em inside out.
You took and took and took from me now it’s time to buy me out,
But whatcha got?
Not a cent, a whole lot of lent.
I’ve got to go on down the road,
I’m sorry for throwing out all of your shit.
I slip right into your Pocket.
HATE TO LOVE
As I look back over my shoulder to my past I realize I’m getting older.
No I sure ain’t getting younger that’s for sure,
But I sure ain’t leaving ‘til I’m seen out the door.
And I know that I’m hardly forgiving of myself once I start living it up so high that I never come down,
Since you’ve last seen me my feet ain’t touched the ground,
It’s a life I love to hate and hate to love.
I’m sailing through a storm in a sea of indecision,
The mermaids are singing as my ship starts sinking.
Yes ma’am I’m going down, so won’t you pour me another?
The life I lead, hot damn, I tell you brother
It’s a trip down the rabbit hole,
Ain’t nobody sure how far down it goes.
I don’t dare the devil because the devil, she knows
That it’s a life I love to hate and hate to love.
It is quite the juxtaposition, to hate to love the life your living, my ideas of wrong and right change every hour on the hour as I manifest my fate.
And all of these sensations are overwhelming, I get one or two or three or four or more at a time I put my fist through your door,
It’s a life I love to hate and hate to love and love some more.
Hate to love.
PHILISOPHIZE
I’m a humble heathen, I’ve been tried for treason twice.
And I ain’t got no reason or excuses for any of my vices.
But I tell ya I’m a fella that you don’t want to see swell up.
Peaceful and deceitful, the sweetest kind of nice.
So what if sometimes ain’t nobody home,
We’re getting stoned and we’re going to philosophize.
I’m wandering what we’re pondering on,
We’re wandering around in a conundrum.
It’s like a paradigm of a paradox,
Like stepping outside in a pair of sox.
Hot damn we done did it again, got fucked up drunk, talking about Iran.
The cosmos look like gasoline, wouldn’t you agree?
So what if sometimes ain’t nobody home,
We’ll get along of we just don’t philosophize.
But we’re gonna philosophize.
Pour me a double I’m having a few, we’re politicin.
Spoons causing trouble at the end of the bar, don’t you piss off a Laker fan.
Timmy Too Tall has got a guy against the wall because he didn’t like our song.
Can’t we all just get along?
Hell no!
We’re some humble heathens, we’ve been tried for treason thrice.
And we ain’t got no reason or excuses for any of our vices.
But I tell ya we some fellas that you don’t want to see swell up.
Peaceful and deceitful, the sweetest kind of nice.
So what if sometimes ain’t nobody home?
We’re getting stoned and we are going to be sipping some philosophy,
You know what I mean?
ASSHOLES
Have you ever been ratted out before?
To have your confidant sell you out the door?
And just cheep cheep cheep, and they sing like a canary,
Cheep cheep cheep, your talk is cheaper than a dairy free pint of milk,
even though it’s spilled, no sense in crying now.
Have you ever been voted out before?
Off the island, drifting away from shore
Hearing squawk squawk squawk another polly wants a cracker.
Squawk squawk squawk everybody’s always after my shit,
I want what lies in my horizon.
I’ve got a photographic memory of all the assholes that owe.
Have you ever been dicked around before?
Nobody shoots from the hip anymore.
They just chirp chirp chirp like some birds on a wire,
Chirp chirp chirp, man this jerk must be high
Because I can’t believe I’m hearing this right now.
I’ve got a photographic memory of all the assholes that owe me.
No I’m not bitter, hell why would I be?
I’m hung like a donkey, just ask my monkey,
And I know the lead singer of Zen Robbi, that’s me.
So if you ever get pushed around again,
Put your fist in the air and rage against.
Singing Oi Oi Oi and you rock it like a punker
Oi Oi Oi they better get in their bunker
Cuz we’re dropping bombs everywhere we go.
And I’ve got that photographic memory for all you assholes that owe me.
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